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[00:00:00] Are the pressures of gatherings, family dynamics, and busy schedules starting to stress you out? If so, stay tuned for 10 ways to reduce stress during the holiday season. I'm with Adriana and I'm gonna let her introduce herself. Yeah. Hi, thank you so much for having me.
I'm really excited to be here. I'm Adriana. I am a physical therapist and a trauma informed yoga teacher. I live in British Columbia, Canada, and I primarily practice with people who are living with chronic pain or people who have experienced trauma. And I offer a lot of free resources along with my experience.
physical therapy and yoga practice. I have a YouTube channel. I have a couple of free resources on my website, and I also have some different meditations and courses up on Insight Timer. So I just really value having a lot of different resources for people. I know that many different things can help people with trauma and pain and their life in [00:01:00] general.
So that's the gist of what I do and who I am. Awesome. I'm excited for what you have to recommend to us to help reduce stress during the holidays. my name is Mandy Gardner. I'm the founder of Holistic Evolution Shala, which is an online wellness company that specifically supports women who have suffered from childhood trauma.
And so those symptoms, they really manifest in a lot of things, like trust issues. depression, anxiety, hypervigilance, things like this. I'm an yoga teacher and I am trauma informed. I also offer dbt skills and the skills coach and dbt stands for dialectical behavior therapy, and we'll go into that a little bit later.
And then I'm also a big advocate for group support. And so whenever I'm, offering, content, especially when I'm having these collaborations with people like Adriana, I'm really trying to support. for the women who are suffering from these symptoms. And so I think that this topic of how to [00:02:00] reduce stress during the holidays is such a great one, cause if we get too vulnerable, we can emotionally dysregulate or get triggered.
And that can be really hard to deal with in the holidays when we want to try to enjoy ourselves the holiday season can definitely be joyful, but it can definitely be stressful, depending on all the things that are happening, the different gatherings, the family dynamics and busy schedules, it's really important to learn how to stay grounded, So the 10 different ways that we're going to talk about the first one is setting boundaries. I think this is so important because it's so important to protect our peace, that's really an important thing for me to remember because me, personally, as a childhood trauma survivor myself, it was really difficult learning how to set healthy boundaries.
I didn't really know what that looked like, But being able to use my peace as the guiding light. That was really helpful. , something that was being asked of me was [00:03:00] really creating a lot of stress, then I would allow that to be the little red flag. Yeah, maybe I need to, either limit my time or perhaps I need to just, say no politely.
The important part about. Setting boundaries is being able to, pre plan and say, okay so we have these family gatherings and we know that family can sometimes be very triggering, So maybe pre planning a time like, okay, so I know I'm going to go and I'm just going to plan for two hours and after two hours, I'm going to leave after that.
And, allow yourself to have some flexibility. But if you give yourself that pre allotted time, then it just takes out that anxiety. And you can also give some expectations to those who you're hanging out with, and then, it is also really okay to politely decline. If you are feeling overwhelmed and there's too many things, like it's okay to say no.
And that can be a really powerful form of self care. Adriana, do you have any suggestions as far as, what do you like to do to set boundaries [00:04:00] around the holidays? Yeah, absolutely. I think boundaries can be so hard, especially as a trauma survivor. I think they're hard for everybody, but especially for people who have experienced trauma.
And I had a therapist once say to me that setting boundaries are to help yourself, not to control other people. And I always just find that really helpful to think about when I'm setting boundaries. So if I need to say no, that's a really big one. Just saying no to something because I know I'm feeling overwhelmed or I'm feeling stressed.
It's not me trying to control what other people are doing around me. It's me really just taking the time for myself and saying no for myself. So saying no is definitely a big one. And I think another thing around the holiday season, especially for me, is setting some boundaries around conversation topics can be really helpful.
I know holidays can often come with a lot of talk around bodies and body image and what we're eating and different things like that. So if I feel comfortable around the people enough to set a boundary beforehand and say, Hey, I know we're having [00:05:00] this really nice fancy meal, but I'd really love if we could not talk about, how this meal is going to affect our bodies or anything like that.
Those are the big things I like to focus on around the holidays. That's a great suggestion. Cause isn't that something we obsess about or people can, Oh, I shouldn't be eating this, but I'm going to eat it anyway. Yeah. Conversation it's yeah, we don't want to focus on that.
I think that's a great recommendation. I even think, the idea of. Topics around politics. , I know with my family, we sit on different, sides of the spectrum, so that's not necessarily something we like to talk about because, we just don't want to open up that can of worms in that environment.
There's a place in a time, but in those family gatherings, when we're trying to enjoy ourselves and enjoy the holidays, maybe we don't talk about those things. We have 10 ways and then the next one is number two. So what do you suggest? Yeah, I suggest creating a morning ritual, especially around the holidays.
It can be so much harder to stay in our [00:06:00] schedules and stay doing the things we love. So setting aside that time specifically in the morning really helps you to have a grounded start to your day. It can really help you feel resilient and safe. centered over any stress that might come your way throughout the day.
So just really making sure you have that time, even if it's just five or 10 minutes in the morning to really do something that feels grounding for you. That feels really nice can set you up to continue with that feeling of groundedness and centeredness throughout the day. day. So that could look like taking some time to do some gentle stretches that could even be in bed before you get out of bed in the morning, or maybe just doing some mindful breaths as you sit down and have your morning tea or coffee, maybe take some time to journal instead of scrolling on social media.
First thing, when you get up in the morning, those can be great ways to help calm your nervous system and make you feel better. Really grounded throughout the day and just remind you that even though it's holidays and it's stressful and there's a lot going on, you can still take that [00:07:00] time for yourself and for your healing throughout the day.
So I particularly really like taking just a couple of gentle breaths in the morning, doing a couple of stretches as I'm having my morning coffee and breakfast. What about you, Mandy? What do you enjoy? I love my little morning coffee routine. I get up fairly early, about five o'clock.
And so I'm still a little in that dreamy state and I really do enjoy making my coffee. I start the kettle and the whole process can be, mindfulness practice and it is pretty important to me. I do love it. And then I just sit and read a book
I think that the breathing in the morning would also be a huge benefit. I typically start that when I start my yoga practice, but just having a few moments to deepen the breath while you're enjoying that of coffee, I think is wonderful. Thank you. Yeah. All right. What about number three?
Yeah, number three. That takes on to that a little bit is using some mindful breathing techniques. So this is something that you could technically do in your [00:08:00] morning ritual, but it's also something that you could do whenever you are feeling a little bit overwhelmed or stressed. Having some mindful breathing techniques can be really good to just calm the nervous system in general, if we are someone who is perhaps a little bit more anxious, or we feel like our body is in that fight or flight system, taking a second to focus on the breath can bring you back to the present moment and take you out of that fight or flight system.
So that can be a really amazing way to help you when you're feeling overwhelmed and stressed. A great way to do that is to try the 4 7 8 breathing technique. So how you do that is you inhale for four counts, you hold for seven, and then you exhale for eight. And I love this breath because it can really be done anywhere, anytime.
Waiting in line at the grocery store. If you're traveling by plane or you're at a red light, or even in the middle of a family gathering, you could go excuse yourself, go to the bathroom for a couple of minutes and just practice this nice breathing technique. And the longer exhales are what's [00:09:00] really important to help calm the nervous system.
Do you have any other suggestions of some good mindful breathing techniques? I love that one. The 478 technique is really one of my favorites too, especially when you're trying to calm down. Cause when you're extending that exhale, it really forces you to calm the nervous system.
It's wonderful. Yeah, thank you. So number four, so setting intentions for meaningful interactions, setting intentions to have a positive interaction. We know we're going to go to this family party or a work party or whatever it is, we have all these different events that we get to go to during Christmas or Hanukkah or new years, or, Thanksgiving. I know that just passed for both of us. Inevitably we have these parties that come up and, I know when I go, with friends or with family they can be very different situations with family. I do. Do you have some positive relationships that are very important to me? And so having a an intention beforehand of going and really trying to have these heartfelt, open [00:10:00] conversations with these people can, just be able to take down the anxiety a little bit, maybe take the focus off of myself and maybe focus on somebody else.
And, Hey, I haven't seen you for a while. How are you? It's so great to see you, that can really help to take down the nervousness that we feel, trying to redirect it and ask questions and have those meaningful conversations that really do help to develop those relationships
setting intentions when, you go to your friends parties or work parties, depending on what your personal goals are. I'll be super honest and transparent, because I hope that's valuable when we're having these conversations. But I am a recovered alcoholic. I just recently had my six year anniversary of sobriety, and I struggled for 20 years.
And social gatherings were really the hardest. Area for me. And in that recovery process, and that is something that you really need to just be very mindful of, be very aware of it doesn't necessarily mean you can't go to the party, maybe it's [00:11:00] Better that you politely say no and don't go.
Or maybe you really, pre-plan, have, really set the intention that you are going to, whatever it is for you, right? Maybe it's just to limit the amount of cocktails. Maybe it's to have zero cocktails, right? This is all a very personal thing, but setting intentions for your experience really can help to just take away the fear a little bit.
What do you think, Adriana? Yeah, I really like that. Setting intentions for sure can take away the fear. And allow you to just have that little bit of pause before you're doing something. You have that intention set, you know what you're hoping for and you're expecting going into the situation.
I think that can be really helpful if you are experiencing some stress or some anxiety around the holiday season for sure. Alright, so number five. Yeah, number five is all about practicing body awareness and movement. And of course, as a physical therapist and a yoga teacher, this [00:12:00] is something that is really important to not only me, but all the people that I work with and something that I talk about day in and day out.
And when I'm talking about body awareness and movement, I'm not talking about getting I'm talking about getting it right. The hardest exercise in that you're ever going to get or burning off the calories from your holiday meals. It's really more about how can you move your body in a way that feels really good for you.
That feels really peaceful, really comforting. That feels nice for your body. When we are moving in a mindful way, when we have that body awareness, we are helping to release the tension from our body. We're helping to keep that energy flowing in our body. And this can be really important for trauma recovery.
So there's many different ways that you can practice this and this can. look different to every single person because everybody's body is different and everyone is going to resonate with different movement practices, but a couple of different things that I enjoy and I know [00:13:00] that people that I work with enjoy is just having really gentle, mindful movements throughout the day.
This could be like we talked about in the morning ritual where you just have a couple little stretches in the morning and just do a bit of a body scan and check in with your body. See if there's any areas that feel tense or sore and maybe take some extra time focusing on them. It might look like a yoga practice, whether or not that means you're going to a class or you're doing it at home.
It could be going for a walk in the neighborhood and if you're. If you're somewhere that it's not freezing cold out, it can be, yeah, just so nice to spend some time in nature and focus on the trees or if there's water around you or even snow and just take some moments and pause while you're doing that walk and see how that feels in your body and just finding the different movement practices that actually feel right for you.
nourishing, that feel grounding, that feel really peaceful in your body can be the most important for trauma recovery and also just especially during this holiday season where it is more [00:14:00] stressful. If our normal exercise routine looks like going to the gym and doing some heavy workouts and maybe we don't get the time to do that because we're surrounded by family and we have a bunch of gatherings going on, maybe instead we take this time to do the yoga.
Or the walking or something a little more gentle so that our body can have that calmness amongst all the gatherings and all the stress. What do you think, Maddie? Is there anything else that you like to do? Oh, I think that was perfect. I do find it a little bit harder to practice yoga when I'm, out of town.
I'll be super honest, so over Thanksgiving, I was there five days and I practiced one of the days. So what we ended up doing instead is going on walks. Every day. And so anything you can do just to really, just like you said, to have that mindful movement be in your body and you gotta be adaptable depending on the situation because traveling can really throw you out of your normal routine.
So just being aware and having little grace, just allowing yourself to, maybe we're just gonna go for a [00:15:00] walk today versus having a yoga class, just whatever's gonna work. But yeah, I think that's awesome. So number six. Yeah, number six is having a good sleep routine.
Sleep is something, of course, during the holidays that maybe that changes, as we mentioned, maybe you're traveling, you might even be going somewhere far away, you have long flights, or you have time changes. And so in those situations, it's especially important to a good and consistent sleep routine. Sleep is something that is so so important for our body, both for our physical health and our mental health.
When we get good amounts of sleep and we get that deep recovery sleep, it helps to restore anything going on in our physical body. If we have any aches or pains, it can help with that. It can help us. Reducing stress and improving our mood even help with anxiety and depression if we're getting good sleeps and can also just help with our memory and our tasks throughout the day.
I'm sure you notice if you have poor sleeps, it can be [00:16:00] so much harder to get through your day. And especially if it's a busy holiday and a busy day. Busy holiday season. So some specific tips for having a great sleep routine can be reducing your time around electronics before bed. Ideally, at least an hour before bed, turn off those electronics, maybe read a book instead, or do some journaling or some meditations, make sure that you try and make your sleep environment as comfortable as possible for you.
So if you happen to be at home, that's excellent. Excellent. You have the comforts of your own room. If you aren't, if you're off traveling for the holidays, maybe you make sure you bring your pillow that you love to sleep with, or your favorite set of pajamas, or maybe even some essential oils or a candle, something that feels really comforting for you.
You could have that in this new environment. And yeah, if you can't sleep, if you're having a really hard time sleeping, you can take a moment out of the bed and just ground yourself, maybe practice that deep breathing or read something really boring, something to get you back [00:17:00] into that sleep system.
And then you can jump right back into bed. And usually that can help people. Do you have any other good sleeping tips? So perfect. Sleeping is so important. I know when I'm overly tired, I can get overly emotional and everything just seems so much worse than it really is. So it just is so important to, especially for anxiety, depression, to get that rest.
Because if you're lacking in sleep, your nervous system, just as it's not as grounded, so getting the rest is super important. Yeah, thank you . So number seven is limiting exposure to triggers, so we know, what really upsets us and what can happen or, look back and ask yourself was there a time that, I got really upset and, What was it exactly?
What really, what were the thoughts that created me to get emotionally dysregulated. So being able to really reduce exposure to the known triggers that you have, this can really prevent stress and emotional setbacks, [00:18:00] because if we're dysregulated, we're not going to be able to handle.
All the stress and we're gonna maybe say things that we don't mean, and it's going to potentially damage relationships. And that is definitely not the goal, right? So being able to identify people, places, or situations that feel really overwhelming and just try to limit your exposure, we limit the time that you spend with them or not at all.
If it's a specific thing, where there's a misunderstanding, the next thing that we're going to talk about is utilizing dbt for emotional regulation. Dbt is a great way to help with dealing with our triggers, because number one If we're triggered, we shouldn't be trying to problem solve, right?
So one just recognizing okay, I am really upset right now, right? And okay, so I'm not in a position to have that heart conversation. So I need to take a step back and I need to take care of myself, do some self care and really, be [00:19:00] able to Get clear with why I'm upset so that way I can communicate in an effective way that helps a relationship versus damages it,
This is the process we start learning about ourselves. And if we put ourselves in situations that we know we're going to get upset, that's not productive, right?, this is part of self care. Being able to care for ourselves by limiting the exposure to the things that we know can upset us. Yeah, I think for sure limiting the exposure is definitely so important to be able to recognize those triggers like you mentioned. Even just taking a second to notice in your body, like I'm feeling a little anxious or I'm feeling angry or overwhelmed, oftentimes we can sense those things in our bodies.
So if you notice that starting to come up, instead of, ignoring it and staying in that, take that time to go then take the pause if you're in the situation and use some of these techniques that we've mentioned already today, the breathing techniques, maybe go for your mindful walk and then come back and see [00:20:00] the other techniques that we'll mention, maybe the DBT and whatnot to help with the situation.
Yeah. Totally. So one thing that comes to mind is sometimes my mom can say things that can really instantly trigger me. And so what I've learned is to come to my breath and maybe take a break, go to the bathroom, shut the door, take a moment to myself and try to calm myself down, cause like I don't want to freak out because of this, inappropriate or rude comment that she made.
And, and then I have to ask myself like, okay, why are we getting so upset? Anyway, taking that time to just, excuse yourself and either go for a walk or take a break, go to the bathroom, whatever you need. And then when you're calm, then you can approach, potentially having that conversation Hey, what you said actually like really hurt my feelings or X, Y, Z.
So eight is using dbt skills for emotional regulation. So staying grounded, staying regulated. Now, dbt is such an important part of my life. So dialectical [00:21:00] behavior therapy skills. I learned this when I learned that a family member of mine has what's called borderline personality disorder.
And even though my symptoms are more in line with complex trauma or CPTSD these dbt skills or dialectical behavior therapy skills. And I won't say that again cause it's a mouthful. They have really changed my life. And so it's so important to me to share them
with everyone that could use them. And honestly, I think everyone can learn, right? So what is it, so first, I had mentioned just a little bit before, like recognizing when you're triggered and then also understanding that there's five types of dysregulation and not all of them include crying and sobbing.
One of them is emotional dysregulation where you are crying and you can't calm yourself down, but there's another one that's mental dysregulation. So your body, is calm, but you're going crazy in your mind. And then there's other ones. I won't go into it because it's not a whole lesson on dbt,
if you're interested, you can definitely check out [00:22:00] my YouTube channel for more. But the important thing is, when we're going to these family parties or these work gatherings or, friend parties or whatever, if we find ourselves in a situation where we are super upset, something has got us really upset and we're dysregulated or, either angry or whatever.
Recognizing that and then allowing yourself to switch gears. And so the dbt skill that I wanted to share is tip. So it's T I P and it stands for temperature, intense exercise and paste breathing. So temperature. So change your temperature, go to the bathroom, splash your face with some cold water, perhaps get some ice, perhaps chew on some ice or hold it in your hand.
You could even get in a hot shower if you're not at the party, right? If you're at home, or you go home, right? So just changing your temperature is really going to help. And then intense exercise, go for a walk [00:23:00] or be able to, go for that rigorous yoga practice that you want to do or whatever it is,
but really the most the one that I really like to go to is the paste breathing and you shared with us The four seven eight and that one I really like for calming us down And then there's the very simple box breathing where, you're inhaling for four, you're holding for four, you're exhaling for four, and then you're holding for four.
And then again, you repeat the cycle and just holding the breath and allow yourself to slow it down really does help with breathing. Calming the nervous system because it's engaging that parasympathetic nervous system, so anyway enough about dbt skills. I hope that the tip is helpful So if you get really upset change the temperature, Go for a walk or really just come to your breath and slow it down. Do you have any suggestions? I think you're the expert for DVT for sure over me, but I love the breath [00:24:00] techniques just because breath is accessible anywhere. So yeah, we might be at a party. We're not going to have the chance to go take a hot shower or go on a quick sprint outside if we're in the middle of a party.
So those breathing techniques can be so helpful when you're in those really stressful situations because they're always accessible to you. Perfect. All right. So number nine, we're almost there. So scheduling you time for self care and reflection. This is a time of extra stress. We have extra expenses.
We're buying presents where, we're going to parties, we're buying extra food to take to the party. There are just more factors that we're dealing with. And so being able to take time for yourself, is so important. So whether it's, Scheduling the yoga class and, making sure that you get to it when, whenever it works for you, Sunday morning, Saturday afternoon.
And really just allowing yourself to allot some time, whether it's that morning routine where you really take time to breathe, maybe read, maybe take a bath, maybe [00:25:00] practice, gratitude journaling just being able to really, take yourself on a little self care day every, you can do it every day on a very consistent basis, and obviously we can't necessarily do it every day.
But if you include it with that morning ritual, because obviously like we all drink coffee every day, and so if you make that little coffee ritual an opportunity to, really reflect on, okay, how am I going to take care of myself during this holiday season. What do you think Adriana. I love self care days. I love being able to have a whole day of self care But of course if that's not an option exactly just having a little bit in your ritual or just taking Three minutes five minutes out of your day is better than nothing at all I always say that to my clients who feel guilty if they're not doing their physical therapy exercises I say, you know if you're just taking Five minutes is better than none.
You don't have to be perfect and doing it everywhere all the time. So just having a little bit of you [00:26:00] time is yeah, better than nothing for sure. Awesome. Last but not least, number 10. Yeah. Number 10 is connecting with a supportive community. So especially during this time, holidays can be really great.
You might have a really supportive family and supportive people around you during the holiday season, but. Unfortunately, you might have the opposite where you're going to be around people that you don't typically spend time with. And maybe you're a little bit stressed about that. And the people just aren't as supportive as other people in your life.
So just making sure that you have access to some sort of supportive community during this time can provide so much needed encouragement and really help you feel less isolated in your life journey and in your trauma journey. Yeah. If you have something in person, if you're staying in the town that you live in, maybe you make sure you set aside some time to go for a walk with that one person who's really supportive or a couple people, maybe you meet them for coffee.
And if that's not available, maybe you [00:27:00] are going to visit your family or your parents or somewhere else over the holidays. And you're not where you usually are. You can find some online communities, whether or not. That means that you have some maybe Facebook groups or Reddit or Instagram, whatever you use, maybe there's groups of things that you're already part of that you just spend some extra time focusing on those groups or the people that are really supportive.
Maybe you set aside a time to do a little virtual meetup with them, or even just a phone call with them can be really helpful. And yeah, just really having those people around that understand your experiences that have the same goals as you, who are on their own healing journeys that are similar to yours.
It can just be so grounding and so uplifting to have those people around you during the stressful holiday season. So making sure you set aside something, whether it's virtual or in person for that is so important. That's wonderful advice. So those are the 10 ways to help reduce stress during the holiday season.
And I hope that you guys enjoyed that. So let me just review them [00:28:00] really fast. So we went over how to set clear boundaries to protect our peace. And then Adriana shared with us how to create a morning grounding ritual, and then also using mindful breathing techniques to help regulate the nervous system if we're feeling anxious or depressed.
And then number four is setting intentions for meaningful interactions. Number five, Adriana shared with us the practice of body awareness and movement. And then number six, she shared with us the importance of having a healthy sleep schedule and getting enough sleep. Number seven, limiting exposures to triggers.
Number eight is using dbt skills for emotional regulation. Number nine was scheduling you time for self care and reflection. And then last but not least, number 10, Adriana shared with us connecting with a supportive community. Do you have any final thoughts that you want to share? I think the biggest way to reduce [00:29:00] stress for yourself and have some good self care during the holidays is really just to give yourself grace throughout this season.
I know we're giving a ton of excellent tips for people to reduce stress, but also just reminding yourself that This season of life can be very stressful. There can be a lot going on. Maybe you do get triggered. Maybe you aren't moving your body in the same way as you usually do and just remind yourself that is okay.
Give yourself some grace and just try and get some of these self care practices in. Hundred percent. I think that is the most important thing, is just to allow yourself, we're gonna make mistakes, we're gonna get stressed out, and that's okay. We're going to eat too much cake and cookies, and that's okay.
Because you know it's not gonna last forever. And, allowing yourself to just be present is so important. . Thank you. Yeah.
