video111924suzanne
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[00:00:00] Hello. Welcome, . I'm so excited to chat with you today. I'm really excited. Thank you so much for this. Yeah. Thank you for being here. Let's just get started by having you share a little bit about your background. Okay, it's a bit of a long story. Basically in 1986, I was a mature student at university and I caught a virus, which was, it was worse than COVID.
And it affected myself and five university students that I was very friendly with. They got diagnosed properly and they got the treatment that they needed. I got misdiagnosed, got the wrong treatment. And then because of that, and because I was addicted to smoking, I've had I've had almost every drug known to man.
But that was the one that was the one. And unfortunately, I couldn't give up smoking. [00:01:00] Serious lung virus. Next year, it became permanent. And nobody believed that at such a young age. I could actually have permanent lung damage. So I got even worse because I wasn't giving the hell. One thing led to another.
Eventually I found drinking and I thought I'll try anything to make me feel a bit better. And. Then eventually I found EFT, I found Buteyko, and in 2011, I ran my first half marathon, which was wonderful. EFT has been, yes, it was a dream come true, I couldn't even say because it wasn't even something I dreamed of.
It was that unattainable. And so I got a miracle after being given your lung disease diagnosis. I was open to the diagnosis. It's still three years before then. Yeah. That's [00:02:00] incredible. Yeah. So I'm blessed. Yeah. Wonderful. So when it comes to EFT for those of us that don't know anything, could you give us just a brief introduction?
So with EFT and I'm looking for an aid that I normally use, I use silly aid, so please forgive me. That's perfect. Thanks This is what I understand of the scientific research, the way it might be going. So this is a part of your brain that has unhappy memories or unhappy beliefs that we live by. Okay. And
this is the amygdala. It's a little thing that sits in our head. So this communicates with this via a nerve connection. This nerve connection is [00:03:00] electricity driven. Okay. So This is just data. What makes it active is, when somebody says, I was triggered. Yeah. So then this becomes active by whatever's triggered us.
And with EFT, we trigger this part of the brain deliberately, but in a very gentle way. A gentle, safe, deliberate way. We trigger it by using words, which is why you might hear people say, this problem, as they stimulate certain acupressure points. It's because we want to keep triggering this part.
As it gets triggered, it's sending a signal to the amygdala. The amygdala is thinking body panic, get upset. And so we get all the panicky feelings and so on. And the. Anxious feelings and the nervous feelings, which we can self medicate by the way, and that's the thing [00:04:00] behind addiction. So anyway.
Can I interrupt you just one second? Just because I am so new and I really am curious, but just to, what does EFT stand for? Emotional Freedom Techniques. Emotional Freedom Techniques. Okay. All right. Continue. And what it is known now as Is tapping or I call it emotional freedom techniques tapping or EFT tapping.
The reason is there are versions of it without the tapping is to differentiate the version that people know and love. The tapping, which is what the scientific research is based on partly this nerve connection, the electricity doesn't run so well, it kind of short circuits. So you have this part of the brain with the data in it and it can't talk to the amygdala.
That's why people feel better. As far as I understand, that's where the scientific research is pointing to. In terms of what [00:05:00] EFT is, it's using acupressure on different points. We don't actually have to use all these points, but we can if we want to, and we can use more points if we want to as well.
Okay. And just by stimulating these points, by tapping on them, like a gentle massage. I like this one on the top of the head because it feels like somebody's giving you a nice head massage. And that's how I do it. Yeah. So could you share with us, cause we are really trying to focus on, techniques for overcoming addiction and addictive behaviors.
And you mentioned, you smoked a lot of cigarettes before, and that led to, having the lung disease, which you then were able to cure and go on a marathon later, which is incredible. But so is, am I correct in under is it. Correct in [00:06:00] understanding that this tapping technique was, is what helped you overcome your addiction to cigarettes?
I wish it was available then. By the way, just a correction, in case the Advertising Standards Authority in the UK or an equivalent anywhere else in the world has a go at me, we don't call it a cure. So just to clarify that, sure. Sure. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I've had them descend upon me recently. Yeah.
I'm not claiming a cure. Why do you think I'm claiming a cure? But anyway, but so more, it's a technique that helps right in the process of recovery versus it facilitates your recovery. Yeah, it's obviously not gonna fix it overnight and make it so that you don't crave cigarettes but it's a technique that you could use in the moment.
Is that correct? That's the popular belief. Okay. And that's really interesting. Very good that you asked this question, because I have many clients that come to me and they say I've tried it. [00:07:00] And sometimes I miss tapping when I have a craving, or a friend comes around and says, Oh, would you like to have some, whatever it is or what have you just become the Virgin Mary now kind of thing.
And you don't want to join us or whatever. And so how do I tap there? You don't tap for that. You tap before that you tap for the underlying reasons. And that's why it's best to have a practitioner lead you through it, who is an addiction specialist or attend a course because. In the proper EFT Level 1 course you will learn the addictions part.
There is a free course on my YouTube channel, by the way, something I feel very strongly about. There is a particular unit on addiction cravings. That's very simple self help in the moment. Or you can imagine a time. [00:08:00] When you were in that moment, so that the idea is respect the point of no return and With EFT we say that somebody is addicted because of An anxiety which doesn't mean clinical anxiety, although it can be it's just a nervousness and we need to quell that nervousness with something.
And so we use EFT for the underlying reasons, preferably. And we will have a few examples later, but it wasn't available when I had to quit smoking. I think I quit smoking something like 1995. And EFT tapping became available probably in 1995 in its first format. Something like that. So what was 1999?
Sorry, something like that. A lot of people learned EFT. Okay. [00:09:00] What was your go to? What was your go to technique for coping with cravings? Cravings? is very good because I studied as a hypnotherapist. I didn't want to do hypnotherapy. I wasn't interested in hypnotherapy, but somebody I knew was running a hypnotherapy course.
And he said, this will go with everything else that you're doing. So I was doing Reiki. And in order to do Reiki, I had to do massage as well. And and he said, that will go along with everything. So I studied it. And I did. Hypnotherapy did help me to some extent, but I took other drugs in order not to need the cigarettes.
Okay. Yeah, and with EFT I didn't need the other drugs. The last drug to go was medicating with food. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, we can [00:10:00] definitely swing from one addiction to another, can't we? Or have them all at the same time. Yeah. Okay, so when it comes to tapping as a coping technique you're recommending that we do that as like a preparation.
Correct? So if you know that you're going to go into a situation that could potentially be triggering, then this would be something that you would want to do before going into that situation. If you're a self helper, because if you're on a specific program, for example, I have a coaching program for everything.
So I have a coaching program for every addiction and it goes more or less along the same lines. So first of all, we work with underlying reasons whilst at the same time we work on recent events. Really important thing and I can't stress this enough with EFT tapping is to work with event and event is a crossroads between space and time.
Instead of thinking I'm going tomorrow to this event, by then it's probably too late. You know it's it, [00:11:00] one should work with something in the past, so start with something in the past. A party I went to, let's say, last year. Very important is when you started using again. That's a really important point because something must have happened then to push you over the edge.
Remember, it's a coping mechanism. So something must have made us want to cope. We couldn't cope. So it's going back to that event, putting ourselves in that situation. I'm thinking, okay, I'm in that situation. And if I were to relive this moment on a scale from 10 to zero, where 10 is I'm definitely going to use and zero is not for now.
Thank you. How much am I likely to use? And just rate it in With trauma, with really deep trauma, I don't recommend that somebody closes their eyes and really tries to relive it, but If the time that somebody started [00:12:00] using again is not too traumatic, it usually isn't. It's usually a party or friends or something.
Then I ask people to close their eyes and remember that time and then rate their desire. Desire, craving, need, whatever they want to call it. Yeah. And then let that go. Party being tomorrow. Just take it on the chin and just go along with it. You can tap for it, but just forgive yourself if it doesn't work.
Do what you wanted to do. You really should actually go through those times. Don't skip, you spent all that time dedicated to this drug. I know what it's like to plan your life around drugs, getting the drug, not being caught finding the money, which you always do somehow. And, all of this thing about.
something that you shouldn't be doing or shouldn't be [00:13:00] having. Something that's bad for you basically. It's it was good for you at one point. It saved you from something. It saved you from a feeling or it saved you from a situation, but now it's not helpful to you anymore. And we could say thank you to this friend for having been with us and just work on it.
Ideally, if somebody is going to a party tomorrow, they should abstain from the party. Just take time out to heal. Good advice. If that makes any sense. Yeah. Good advice. So because you've mentioned your courses, why don't you share with us where our listeners or watchers can find them? Okay. It's on newagetherapies.
com N E W A G E T H E R A P I E S dot com. That's where I put all my courses. But to be quite honest, if you go to my YouTube channel, which you're going to have a link to later, because I keep forgetting what it's called, but it's, [00:14:00] it came from the heart and I wanted it to be called that. And so anyway, the my YouTube channel, I will be announcing things there as and when they come.
So every subscriber has the chance to attend whatever course that I'm giving. Awesome. Yeah. Wonderful. So shifting gears to talking about Reiki is Reiki something that can be practiced as a self care technique or is that something that has to be done with a practitioner? You can have both.
Oh. The nice thing about Reiki is it's very gentle. So if somebody has schizophrenia, if somebody has bipolar, if somebody has gets psychosis, Reiki is a safe technique for them to use. Whether it's [00:15:00] visiting a practitioner or doing it on their own, so they can go to a course to learn Reiki. All they need is a Reiki one to learn for self help.
If they want to do more, the best thing they can do is go to Reiki circles or healing circles or Reiki shares, whatever they're called in their area, and do it that way. It's absolutely wonderful. You can even have Reiki remotely, I do Reiki remotely, I have people on a Zoom call and I give them Reiki and there's no reason why that shouldn't be that way.
In person it is nicer, you feel it more. But yeah, you can, some people have both, they learn the course because there are the five Reiki principles in the course. Wonderful. Yeah. So we've talked about EFT tapping, and we've talked about Reiki and, I'm still so new and understanding.
So with tapping, I wonder, you said like the hand [00:16:00] here could you share some like specific points that could be useful for someone who's like brand new? Is that something that you can do or is that something that we would need to watch a video or what's your recommendation? I have a free course on my channel, which people can watch.
We all want something faster than that. And I would like to give a few pointers on what to say for addictions. Yeah. So do you want to tap with me and give like an example? Okay. That'd be great. First of all, we imagine how ourselves in a situation which where our objective desire is desired more than we can control, shall we say.
So let's say last Tuesday when I was with Mary and John and we were having drinks and I had to have that third glass of wine, for example, [00:17:00] or fourth or fifth or 16th or whatever. Then you can tap and I'll just give you some ideas of words that you can tap for which hit with every single substance every single addictive behavior Everything that hits so tap here with me and repeat after me even though I don't want to deprive myself of this.
I don't want to deprive myself of this I just want to feel better I just wanna feel better and move forward in whatever way is right for me today, in whatever way is right for me today. Even though I don't want to feel deprived of this, even though I don't want to feel deprived of this, nobody likes feeling deprived.
Nobody likes feeling deprived. I just want to move forward. I just want to move forward, even though I don't want to feel deprived of this, even though I don't want to feel deprived [00:18:00] of this. I just want to move forward. I just want to move forward. In a way that's right for me today. In a way that's right for me today.
And up here with me, I don't want to feel deprived. I don't want to feel deprived. Don't take this away from me. Don't take this away from me. Nobody wants to feel deprived. Nobody wants to feel deprived. I don't want to feel deprived. I don't want to feel deprived. I don't want to feel deprived. I don't want to feel deprived.
Nobody wants to feel deprived. Nobody wants to feel deprived. What will I do without this? What will I do without this? I just want to feel better. I just want to feel better. Very good. Now I'll give you two other examples that kind of hits with people a lot. And it's [00:19:00] basically about what this does for me.
It's what are the substance all the behavior does for me. Okay. And it's very popular with various treatments to be told, Oh this doesn't do anything for me. It's really bad. It's so unhealthy. It's destructive behavior. It's self sabotage. No nobody, engages in an addiction because of self sabotage.
Nobody engages in addiction because they hate themselves. They engage in addiction because there is a little bit of self love there and they want to give themselves comfort. One reason that I get for engaging in something we shouldn't engage in is it makes me calm or it makes me feel confident.
So just like deprivation, we can tap on even though I need to feel calm and this does it for me and I don't know how to do it [00:20:00] without that. Shall we do that? Yeah. Okay. Even though. Even though. This makes me feel calm. This makes me feel calm. I just want to move forward. I just want to move forward in whatever way is right for me today, in whatever way is right for me today.
Even though this makes me feel calm, even though this makes me feel calm, I just want to feel better. I just wanna feel better and move forward. And move forward, even though I need this to make me feel better. Even though I need this to make me feel better, I accept that I need this, I accept that I need this, and I'm willing to consider, and I'm willing to consider, that if I can feel calm, that if I can feel calm, without, without this, [00:21:00] By working on the underlying reasons By working on the underlying reasons Then I won't need this anymore Then I won't need this anymore In the meantime I give myself compassion I give myself compassion Very good, and tap here with me, I just want to feel calm I just want to feel calm And tap here with me, it makes me feel calm It makes me feel calm I'd like to feel calm Thank you.
I'd like to feel calm. It makes me feel calm. It makes me feel calm. It relaxes me. It relaxes me. It takes away worries and nervousness. It takes away worries and nervousness. It makes me feel calm. It makes me feel calm. It makes me feel calm. It makes me feel calm. [00:22:00] And have a rest. So that's one example, calm.
Confidence is another example that I'm often given. And can I share my experience? Please. Yeah, that was the first time I've ever did anything like that. So I'd love to share. I, hopefully those who are listening or watching just did that along with us. But that did make me feel very calm.
It's very interesting how that tapping, because I have suffered so much anxiety, There's something about that sort of takes away that anxiety. It like pulls that energy, brings it here, which is interesting. That was very cool. It feels really good. I can see how that's, It's very beneficial and it almost seems like you're coming to a middle ground.
Like you're acknowledging like, okay, yes, it's here. You're not demonizing it, but you're also acknowledging that, I'd also like to do [00:23:00] better. I think it's a really beautiful approach. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that with us. Thank you. Yeah, Thank you. One of the tappings that I do with people that really hits home almost every time, this is my loyal friend.
It never abandons me. It's always there for me. It never judges me. It doesn't have unrealistic expectations of me. Yeah, those are perfect words that, you know, people who are struggling with, addictive behaviors, addiction, trauma, any of that. That's really powerful, those words. Yeah, absolutely.
Amazing. Thank you. I love that. Okay. When you and I had a chance to chat and get to know each other just a little bit before this session that we're recording we did talk a little bit about, moving energy while we're practicing yoga. I [00:24:00] would love for you to share a little bit is that something that we should be doing Is that, what do we need to be aware of and, if we are overwhelmed with emotion or we're feeling just dead stoned, like no emotion, what are your recommendations on tapping into getting that emotion more fluid in a yoga practice or is that your recommendation?
Definitely. Yoga and tapping go very well together and one way of mixing the two is just to be aware or bring your awareness to what is challenging you with your yoga practice. Now, it's always about now, not yesterday, not tomorrow, whatever, because yoga is about living in the now and the emotions that you have stuck in your body.
If you're [00:25:00] struggling to release them with yoga, you can release them with EFT and continue with yoga. So it kind of unlocks. Yeah for example, if somebody can't get the motivation to start. Then they can tap, even though I don't have the motivation or even though I need this motivation to get started and just tap on all the points as they stare at their yoga mat and eventually they'll get up and do it.
Yeah. And just that creation of energy right there be enough to get you moving and going. Yeah, absolutely. Also what I've found is certain parts of our body could be connected to past trauma. Yeah. And so maybe you can't do a pose as well as you would like to, or maybe on that day it feels particularly stiff or particularly challenging, [00:26:00] then that in itself is all that you need because the emotion is locked in there.
And one thing that I really like doing is to tap while I'm on the yoga mat. So let's say. This is the yoga mat, sorry this is my mobile phone, or maybe something white, let me get a piece of paper, that is white. So let's say this is my yoga mat, and I'm in downward dog, and this is my hand, there are finger points in EFT as well, and if we stimulate them, then our body changes, and our pose changes, which is amazing, absolutely amazing.
Also in some poses, You're standing, let's say, and you can rub [00:27:00] the thumb point and the first finger point together. Yeah. You don't want to fall. You get yourself off balance by going like this, something like this is very easy to do. And as you concentrate on where in your body it is that you're struggling, that's where the emotion is.
Just move the energy. It's all about energy. Awesome. Could you share a little bit about how NLP could play a role in reshaping our thought patterns and the way that we think.
NLP is really important when it comes to beliefs. And I use NLP with EFT if NLP, it's really hard not to use it anymore. What does NLP stand for? Tell us. Neurolinguistic programming. Okay. So when it comes to addictions, it's very much about beliefs. So one belief, the [00:28:00] one belief that a lot of people with addictions have that drives them to addiction is, I must always be perfect.
And it's turning that belief around is very useful because it is so much pressure to be perfect that we turn to substances to help ourselves or behaviors to help ourselves with this. sheer stress of having to be perfect all the time. And then there are other things like, I'm not good enough.
That's a lot of addictions have, I'm not good enough. And it's using that to turn things around as well as there's an interesting DILT logical levels. And the levels of the way that we think, and if you get every level. in your addictions program, [00:29:00] then that covers a lot. So for example, at one level, it's our belief of ourselves or, I can do this or I can't do this.
Our capabilities. Another one is, My identity, I'm a smoker. What does a smoker do? A smoker smokes, right? I'm a heroin addict. That's what I do. I'm hopeless in love, codependency. Then I'll always be hopeless in love as long as I believe that this is my identity. I'm that hopeless person in love.
Then I'm going to keep doing it. So it's rethinking, rewriting our identity, for example. And beliefs like All men are evil, so women can have one broken relationship after another because they keep going for evil men, or they keep [00:30:00] escaping from all men which are all perceived to be evil.
So my belief was that men were not trustworthy. Yeah, that men cheat. That'll do it. Cause that was, I had a stepfather who cheated on my mom several times. And so that was my belief was men cheat. Yeah. It was also from a boyfriend that cheated on me too. And now I'm married and before we got married and when we were dating, that was a very difficult, cause it's subconscious, right.
And things come up and because of that belief, if something happens where, He doesn't answer the phone and then get easily triggered, so those beliefs are so powerful. And a lot of times we don't even recognize that's what we are holding on to, or that's what's forming our thoughts, do you have any recommendations for that?
Like how to really. I don't know, just gain more awareness of and recognition [00:31:00] of these beliefs that we hold on to. To be perfectly honest, just invest in one session with an NLP practitioner or somebody that does NLP, then they can, Figure out those beliefs for you and give you a list. A lot of people do a free discovery session, for example, and I give people three things that they need to work on and lots of other people work that way as well. So you mentioned how hypnotherapy was something that was really beneficial for you when you were quitting smoking cigarettes. Is that something that can work, really quickly, or is that something that you need like an ongoing sessions to be effective? Oh hypnotherapy is a very old method.
It's like the Model T Ford. I'd rather drive a Tesla. [00:32:00] Or at least a more modern car if I'm going through a highway or motorway. I would feel a lot safer. It would go faster. It would be safer. It would be easier. Why would I want to? Unless I'm a classic car enthusiast, so like I said, hypnotherapy helped me some way towards stopping smoking.
I did stop smoking, but I went on to take other drugs to stop me from smoking. So whether it was the availability of other drugs or more like me accepting that in between bouts of weekend drug taking, I can be okay without cigarettes or maybe because I had more drugs available to me during the week. I didn't need cigarettes.
I really don't know. I know why I smoked it. It is for very personal reasons [00:33:00] that I can't share. But I would rather use EFT. It was EFT that got me off all the drugs, for sure, for good. I still wanted, I still had cravings for EFT. did all that for me because it actually went down to the root causes, released them all and gave me solutions because when you let go of the emotions that are in the way, you find solutions to moving forward.
But the way I use it, which are, people really is people come to me, we use EFT say to release whatever it is in their way in the, while they're awake, you don't go to sleep with hypnotherapy, but you go into a trance. So while they're in a non trans state, wide awake, sitting with me we release all that stuff underneath the addiction, as much as we can in one session.
And then as a [00:34:00] prize, They can go away to a nice paradise island at the end and relax. It's a little bit like, please forgive my pronunciation, is it the Savas? Savas? Savas? Shava, that's it. Yes. Yes. At the end of a yoga session. 'cause you've done your yoga, you've worked up a sweat, you've done a lot, you've you, you've challenged your mind and body, and now you can have this rest.
. So that's how it works really well. And so people can look forward to it. They're gonna get something which will completely relax them and make them feel good. Oh, incredible. So it sounds like when you work with clients that you really integrate all of these modalities. Is that correct? Depends on what the client wants.
For example, if a client says, no way am I doing tapping, we don't do it. But most clients get to really like tapping. I say, can you let me know more? Or are you doing [00:35:00] any courses? Or can you let me know where I can go for a course near me or something like that? Because it's just so quick. It's quick and far reaching.
With NLP, once NLP, it's hard not to use it. You can't not use NLP. We use it in our everyday communication. So we always use NLP. Tapping is really nice to use. Reiki is a wonderful base therapy and Reiki has a lot of. things in it that can be used with whatever it is that you're doing.
So it really depends on what the client wants and what journey we've decided to take and also on the client's state of health. Sure. Being, what they eat, So if they're undernourished, they won't respond to EFT as well as if they're fully nourished. Oh, that's an interesting point. It sounds like you can really, you have all these very unique modalities that [00:36:00] you can really customize to customers.
So that's wonderful. Yeah, that's great. So what do you think the most common challenge is when it comes to overcoming like addictive behaviors or this, the daily anxiety and depression that people can deal with? What do you think is the hardest thing to overcome? Depending on what the addiction is.
because there is a physical component as well. So for example, with anorexia depression is also an anxiety and lack of sleep is also because of lack of nutrition. So it's all intermingled. And Finding the right people to help you is a good idea, even if it's just one session with a nutritionist and one session with a EFT practitioner that can help you get started, [00:37:00] with, again, it depends on the addiction.
If somebody is depressed, let's say with heroin addiction. If somebody, Best really to go to rehab and because they'll detox you but when you come out of rehab There's the cravings. And they are there because the root causes may not have been fully addressed So you have to address the root causes.
Why is somebody depressed? Is it because of the addiction? No, it's because of whatever led them to the addiction in the first place. Yeah. But sometimes the addiction, let's say it's very expensive and leaves somebody very poor or codependency. Codependency means having a broken heart all the time and having these ups and downs of this rollercoaster of a relationship where you feel happy because you're on the up and then you crash because you're on the down.
You're constantly getting heartbroken and that can lead to depression. But one thing to do is to [00:38:00] abstain. Abstain from relationships until you've healed yourself and work on yourself and work for the underlying reasons of why this happened in the first place and work on your negative beliefs, work on, I'm not good enough or men will always cheat that kind of stuff.
And you'll find that then you're stronger within yourself. You won't have that depression. I have one final question before I'd love for you to share, where we can find your courses at and more information. But my last question for you. A large part of my audience are women that are dealing with adult symptoms of childhood trauma.
And that is very intimately connected to addictive behaviors and addiction, right? There's a high percentage of. People who experience childhood trauma who kind of land into [00:39:00] addiction or addictive behaviors. And I know personally the, what I have struggled with the most with dealing with CPTSD is emotional dysregulation.
So getting, getting triggered or dysregulated and getting to a point, Because when you're in that state, it can be very hard to calm yourself down. And the things that have been so beneficial for me have been the tools and techniques to help bring myself down. And so I wonder, because I am new to tapping, is that something that I could use when I'm dysregulated to help bring me to a more grounded state?
You can play with tapping for a while, tap on at least five to ten events in your life. Tap on at least five to ten events in your childhood. If they're too traumatic, hire somebody to work with you and to hold a safe space for you. Who is an experienced [00:40:00] EFT tapping trauma therapist or practitioner or coach.
I would imagine that any sort of digging into the weeds of trauma would be definitely benefited by having a facilitator. But I wonder if in the moment, if, exactly in the moment, maybe just keeping it really positive, Thoughts like, I, I am confident I can do this or whatever, I just wonder if this is, it just seems to me like it could be a very effective way to get out of being dysregulated, perhaps like challenging the ideas that are creating the triggered thought, Oh my gosh and then, telling myself, Cause like with dialectical behavior therapy, which is what I like to share a lot.
It's really about coming to this middle ground and, understanding that even though he, my, my husband might be mad at me, he still loves me and he wants to work it out. Versus me like, Oh my gosh, going to this black and white thinking, right? I just [00:41:00] wonder if, the safer, for people at home who might be, interested in trying tapping at home, maybe keeping it really, would it be your recommendation to just keep it really positive, like positive thoughts, positive mantras, and then keeping that digging in the weeds of childhood or of trauma with a facilitator?
Absolutely. I misunderstood what you were asking. I thought in the moment, but in the moment, when somebody has been told something, let's say by a loved one or a friend, and they are in the middle of a reaction, I didn't think it was, Afterwards that you're asking for. I thought in the moment was literally that.
So I do apologize. No, it's okay. I'm, I guess I'm asking both, is it something that you could use in the moment or is it something that you need to, wait till you're grounded and then you could use it to okay, navigate, your way through after you've already calmed down.
Go through events. They [00:42:00] don't have to be traumatic events if you're self helping. However, with CPTSD, a lot of people identify as a non traumatic event, an event that can lead to a lot of trauma. For example, if there's something about their boss at work, they might find it traumatic. But yes, if they use positive statements during tapping, and you do that every day.
For example, if somebody I'll give you some examples. What I was aiming at is find which points do it for you. So tap on anything, right? That is safe to tap on your own and as you do Ask yourself, is it this point that does it for me? Is it this point that does it for me? Is it this point that does it for me?
Because this is a physiological thing, and everybody's physiology is different. And some people would swear by this point. Others would swear by this point. [00:43:00] Others like this point. Or this point. When you're in an emergency situation, let's say you get an email and it triggers you, or you get a card in the post and it triggers you, or whatever it is that is triggering to you, you can just tap on the point which does it for you.
That's what I was trying to say. Tapping on the point that in your experience of tapping really does it for you. Or you can simply without words, just sit there in a quiet moment and experiment with the points. And tap on each one mindfully, or you can tap on each point, take a breath in and exhale. Yeah, I think that's wonderful. And find which point does it for you. So if you're in that situation, you can do it. Also learn the finger points. Because let's say you have a meet. This is something that I get with a lot of people with CPTSD. [00:44:00] They're in a meeting at work, they can't speak up or they feel they can't speak up because Obviously, things happened in the past and so they might have fear of public speaking and they're in this meeting and they're stuck in the meeting.
You can't see my hands are under the table and under the table I can be going like this. So experiment with different points, learn the hand points and then have something available for an emergency. As for after the event, this is really important to do. stresses in the moment are really important and it's going back to a situation.
So let's say somebody was told, let's say a woman was told by her husband, Oh, you look good in that dress. And then that triggers her because he didn't say she looks wonderful. Or maybe it triggers her because [00:45:00] anything about her appearance would be triggering, because of what's happened in the past.
So we don't need to go scratching around in the past when that happens. When she has a quiet moment afterwards, She can say, okay, that triggered me on a scale from 10 to 0. How much did it trigger me? And then she can do a positive statement like, it wasn't personal, or he didn't mean anything bad. He meant something good, or he loves me.
That's why he said that, or I am okay, no matter what he says. So no matter what happens, I'm here. I'm safe. And I'm in the moment, or something like the past is behind me, the future is in front of me, all we have is this moment, in this moment I choose to be calm. Another thing that I really like is the serenity prayer, I just sing the serenity prayer as we tap on all the [00:46:00] points.
Lovely. Yeah, I love that recommendation of just having your own experience with it and just doing what really is feeling good to you in the moment. That makes a lot of sense to me, I know for me, like I can hold a lot of tension in my chest. And so the idea of tapping my chest just seems very soothing, So I, that does make a lot of sense to just have your experience and do what, what feels good to you and your body.
Yeah. Yeah. And another thing that I would give is if, we don't need to go scratching around in the past. What we have is now we have an uncomfortable feeling in the chest, let's say, or uncomfortable feeling in the tummy. As I think of that time when my husband said, you look good.
And that was triggering to me. Okay. Where do I feel it in my body? And I can just visualize this feeling inside of me and just tap [00:47:00] on any point or on all the points as I think, okay, what would I like this feeling to be like? So let's say it started square with jagged edges and I might like it to be softer with rounded edges.
And just use your imagination and just Watch it evolve. It's only energy or you can imagine also goes up through the chakras feelings go up through the chakras and come out through the head. So one thing since somebody can do is just say to the feeling, right? You can go up through my throat chakra now.
Now you can go up through my third eye. Now you can go up through the top of my head on my crown chakra. Now you can leave my body and just imagine it as a vapor coming out through your body. It's only a feeling. It doesn't matter what put it there. It's only a feeling and we feel it in the here and now.
And the feeling is temporary. [00:48:00] And the feeling is temporary. And this is the thing I say to people, okay, let's do this. And we do the tapping with where they feel it in the body. And I encourage the feeling to go up through the chakras, out through the top of the head. And we go through a whole visualization, going through the ceiling, going through the roof, going up through the sky and leaving the Earth's atmosphere and going into outer space.
And then they go, Oh it's, I could really feel it leaving my body. I say Now you can control the feeling no longer controls you and people's expression on their face is amazing when that happens. I bet that's incredible. I'm sure after they go through that, like it's easier to do it on your own.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Thank you so much. This has been so informative. I've really enjoyed all of this. I'm excited to use the tapping technique, especially. Will you share with us where we can find more information where your [00:49:00] online courses are found? My online courses are at newagetherapies. com.
Awesome. N E W H therapies. And what's your YouTube channel?
My YouTube channel is at like the sign at thingy EFT tapping course anden videos. Awesome. But so EFT mapping course videos. EFT hyphen, tapping hyphen, course hyphen, and hyphen videos. Perfect. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and I can't change it.
Yeah, that's okay. We can type fast enough. That's no problem. Oh. I'd love to share. My name is Mandy Gardner. I'm with the Holistic Evolution Shala, and it's an online business that is dedicated [00:50:00] to teaching women who are recovering from childhood trauma, how to stay calm without relying on toxic.
therapy or self help books, really empowering them to overcome addictive behaviors, build supportive relationships, and step into the confident, empowered woman that they really aspire to be. And that is my mission because I have had my own personal transformation. From addiction and alcoholism. And, I love to share yoga and dbt because these are the things that have really helped transform my life, but I am still learning and I'm still growing.
And so I'm so grateful for everything that you shared with us today. I think that there's a real beauty to being able to learn these techniques and really to, be able to tap in and give ourselves that. Allowance, right? Like you had said to give ourselves some compassion, understanding that yes, [00:51:00] I have this craving.
I want this thing. And the reason I want this thing is because I want to make myself feel better. And on the other hand, I also want to be better and move forward. I think that's a really lovely place to get to cause a lot of, with. Trauma and addiction, like we can have this very black and white thinking, and so being able to just get centered and to try that, find that middle path, I think is so beautiful.
So thank you so much. Thank you. Do you have any last thoughts for the people who are listening or watching? Just keep tapping. If you just tap on all the points, you can just tap and breathe. Awesome. That's all you need. Perfect. Awesome. Thank you. Thank you so much, Suzanne. Thanks. You're welcome. All right.
So you want to ask me some questions now? [00:52:00] Yes. Okay. So Very interesting about DBT because I've had so many clients that could do with DBT, by the way. But they didn't want a man, so I'm so glad to have met you. I will say I am not a therapist. I am a yoga instructor and I am a peer survivor of complex PTSD.
So I'm helping those who you know, basically other women who have experienced similar stuff, and I think there's a lot of value to that because it was my experience that, going to a traditional therapist if they didn't have that experience, it was really hard for me to relate to them and to advice, and so I do really hope that people find encouragement and just to know that this has changed my life.
And [00:53:00] so this is why I'm so passionate about sharing it. So wonderful. So Mandy, I'm very curious, please tell us more about your journey. And what led you to where you are? You know, I experienced a lot of, so I experienced a lot of what a psychologist would recall as adverse childhood experiences or ACEs.
And the more of those you have, the more likely you are to have symptoms of complex PTSD. All I knew is that I had a really crazy childhood and I suffered an incredible amount of anxiety. Little did I know that I was actually struggling with the symptoms of complex trauma which led to, severe trust issues, relationship difficulties, really unhealthy, toxic relationships.
Just not having skills to recognize [00:54:00] my emotions, be able to communicate in an effective way. I didn't have these skills and therefore I just kept repeating old patterns and I wasn't growing and I, I've always been a learner and I've always wanted to. figure out how to feel better.
Like how do I feel better? Like I'm so sick and tired of just being this anxious, depressed person who's too sensitive all the time, and yoga, thankfully I found that at a fairly young age. I was about 20 and it was definitely a slow process, so I'm, 20 plus years into my yoga journey.
But what the real catalyst. For me, it was learning dbt or dialectical behavior therapy, which is traditionally taught to people who are diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. 4 years ago, in the beginning of covid, I was. I was on the hunt to buy a townhome and my mother was also on [00:55:00] the hunt to buy a townhome and we're both single women and I'm raising my son and I thought it was going to be a really great idea if we joined forces, with COVID and the shutdown, like I really was so dedicated to just my, family and to work and I was sick of dating and with COVID it was like, yeah, let's just put that on the back burner, and so I moved in with my mom, we bought a townhome, and little did I know
It resulted in a very tough time. We had a very tough time. That's a very nice way of putting it. And What ended up happening is I had found out that she's actually suffering from what's considered borderline personality disorder my whole life. I had thought that she was suffering from bipolar or, just extreme depression and, but the.
There's differences. There's major differences. And that's not something that we're going to go into today. That's a, that's, for another conversation, [00:56:00] but with that realization and understanding that I basically, so she was a single mom, she raised us, she's my main caretaker, and so she essentially what BPD is or borderline personality disorder is that This person was already a very sensitive child, and then they experienced something that they perceived as very traumatic. And they didn't have the proper coping mechanisms, and it puts in place some beliefs, like we talked about before.
And these beliefs can really hinder the ability to Have healthy relationships. One of those beliefs is that they can't trust people and that people are going to abandon them. There's this fear of abandonment and this fear is so strong that they will in fact, abandon the person first so that they don't get right.
So anyway, I've learned so much in this process and I, so even though my [00:57:00] symptoms are more in line with complex PTSD, I. really benefited from learning dialectical behavior therapy because this trauma brain that some of us can struggle with, it's real and it goes into this all or nothing thinking.
And how do we come to the middle and how do we get out of that catastrophizing way of thinking? Dbt was the only thing that really helped me. Was a legitimate tool. There were legitimate skills that taught me how to, feel my emotions and communicate in an effective way and to ask for my needs.
And that was something I could never do before, and that was super important. So it. It really has been such an important piece of my healing process and that's why I sing it from the rooftops and tell everybody about it because I'm like, you gotta know about this because it will change your world.
It'll change your entire world. So anyway. [00:58:00] That's very good. Well done. Well done.
Okay, Mandy, what was your recovery journey like? And if you were to go back in time and do the recovery journey differently?
What would you do differently? That's a really good question. And I thought about this for a little bit. What would I do different? I would go way back. I'd go way back to high school even junior high, and I would change my friend group. It's the environment that you put yourself in and the people that you spend the most time with really do influence you they really do, I really would.
Suggest that you just really consider the relationships that are serving you and serving your healing journey versus the ones that are maybe not encouraging you on your healing journey. And [00:59:00] really, cause it's a hard thing, especially when it comes around addiction and alcohol.
I was an alcoholic for 20 years. And I quit back in 2018, and I'm so grateful, and it's completely changed my life, and I couldn't have done it had I not changed my friend group, unfortunately that, Had to change, and if I continued with the old friend group, even though I quit the chances of me staying sober would have exponentially been harder.
And so it's really important to surround yourself with people who are encouraging you to do your best and who are also willing to have that hard conversation and to call you out when you're Selfish or, not to necessarily surround yourself with people, pleasers that just say, yes. Oh, yeah, you're amazing all the time, but to [01:00:00] really surround yourself with people who genuinely want your best interest and who are willing to have that hard conversation with you and support you in a very meaningful way.
Meaningful way, wonderful. Thank you. Thank you. And I was very interested in how you use soga to help people live in the moment. Can you tell us more about that, please? Absolutely. So I I practice the stanga yoga. And Ashtanga is very different. It is a self led style yoga. And it was the very first time that I went into a yoga room that I was expected to memorize a sequence.
And I was okay, this is different. And my experience with Ashtanga a specifically Mysore style, which is the self led style. Cause you can also go to a led Ashtanga class, right? But the Mysore or the self led [01:01:00] style, that was really such a game changer for me. So in a Mysore room, there's no music and there's no mirrors.
And what that does is it allows you to really tap in to tap inward. The music for me can be quite triggering. I can be a ball baby, especially when it's that time of the month. And if there's really sad or soft vibes. flowy music, sometimes that can invoke a lot of emotion and is that what I'm trying to do?
Sometimes that can be very lovely, but when it comes to like really trying to heal from trauma, from addiction from anxiety, depression, right? Like this practice of being able to. Or being forced to really focus inward, especially taking out the mirrors, there's no mirrors.
So I'm not sitting there staring at my body and Oh, what's that lump or, being distracted, right? The music can be a distraction. The mirror can be a distraction. And so in a mice or [01:02:00] room, so there's no mirrors, there's no music. And, As a beginner you're given a sheet and it shows you like all these postures and you learn the first line which is the sun salutations or the Surya Namaskara A's right and you know they teach you how to inhale through your nose and you know sweep up your arms and then exhale as you sweep down and so you're combining this breath with movement and you know really because It was the first time that I was ever taught that my focal point needed to be here.
Because as soon as you close your eyes, you can get really lost in thought. And you're like, start to worry oh, I wonder what my kid's doing. Or, oh, I wonder what, oh, I'm thinking about dinner. Or, but as soon as you open your eyes and you look at this point, you're very focused and you're very present and you're not necessarily thinking about dinnertime, right?
So you're not encouraged to close your eyes. You're very much encouraged to have your Drishti or your gazing [01:03:00] point, which a lot of times is. Down the bridge of the nose, like right here, don't not necessarily crossing your eyes, or, to your fingertips or your thumbs. And so it gives you this thing to look at.
And so your visual your eyes are busy. And then also your ears are busy because you're listening to the sound of your breath and you're creating this oceanic wave like sound because you're inhaling. With sound and exhaling with sound, right? So you're very focused. So you get in that room and you're like, okay, what am I doing?
All right. This is the posture I'm doing. Okay. Breathing. Okay. Where am I looking? And so because you're memorizing and your brain is, your mind is very busy. It really, for me is such like a true meditation. It's a moving meditation. Cause by the end of it, I get into Shavasana. I get into rest. And my mind.
is clear. My mind is calm, right? And it yeah. Anyway let's see. Any, anything else I [01:04:00] can say about that? It's really interesting because a lot of people can't meditate or if they start to meditate, then intrusive thoughts come in. If they're moving, it really helps them. And I found that it is really helpful.
Yeah, the movement is super helpful. But then for me, because I, had CPTS or, have suffered from CPTSD, I, have an abundance of like negative thoughts, right? I'm worried. And the only thing that really got me out of my head was like going into a micellar room and, All right, I gotta focus on this yoga posture and okay, I gotta focus on my breath and I'm memorizing what I'm doing, right?
So I'm not lost in thought at all. And I really loved that because in a lead yoga class, it's very easy to close your eyes and get lost in thought. And then you open your eyes, you're like, wait, what are we doing? And you look to your neighbor and you're like, where are we at? And then you're okay, that's here where we're at.
And really the beauty about like true yoga [01:05:00] it's not necessarily the postures or what postures you can do, it's all about the flow, the meditative flow, finding the flow of breath, finding the flow of movement, and then once you do memorize it, it becomes a really beautiful muscle memory.
And then you can really get into this beauty. Very absorbed state of meditation. It's really beautiful. And this is the only, the Ashtanga Mysore practice is the only practice that really offered me that like true ability to develop mindfulness. Very good. Wonderful. Wonderful. So I understand you specialize in yoga classes for women.
Do you offer these online? Do you offer them one to one? Do you offer them in groups? So I have a YouTube channel where I have yoga classes on there. My channel is My name is Mandy Gardner and I'm at Holistic Evolution Shala. But if you just look up Mandy Gardner, that's my my YouTube [01:06:00] channel, but I offer Ashtanga classes on there.
I do have a 30 minute Ashtanga class, which just is the shortest version of the sequence. And then I also have the full primary series on there. And those are more. energizing. They start with sun salutations. You are going to get a little bit sweaty. You are going to, have a workout a little bit.
And then I also this, It's coming up this Saturday. I'm going to be posting a soft and slow. It's a trauma informed yoga flow for stress and anxiety. So it is my intention to have a wide variety of yoga flows, depending on the person and what their preferences are. But as in Ashtanga, I definitely have a lot of Ashtanga yoga in there.
But yeah, and then you can find me Let's see, I do have a coaching program and that's where I teach Ashtanga Yoga, the primary series in a live setting. [01:07:00] We have it's a coaching program that's all set up online and then we support it with weekly live learning sessions. And then you can also hire me one on one if that's something that you're interested in and you can find me at holisticevolutionshala.
com. Wonderful. I know you're going to send me those links. I'll put them in the description under this video so that people can just click. Perfect. Lovely. Thank you. So finally, what motivational advice do you have to people on their healing journey? I think you touched on it. Have a little grace, have a little compassion with yourself.
I would really love to encourage the people who have either listened or watched today to check out my daily calm practice workbook. It is four steps and the workbook is [01:08:00] something I've put a lot of heart and soul into, and it's something I really believe in. It's my proprietary method. It's The system that I have come up with, developed that has helped me to overcome the symptoms of trauma and addiction and alcoholism.
And so I've created a little workbook my approach is not to dig into the weeds of, where this stuff came from. My approach is to learn new skills on how to move forward. And we start by really looking at what are our values and what are our priorities and using that as a foundation to learn how to communicate more effectively, to have more connective relationships.
So if you are a woman who experienced childhood trauma who has, struggles in relationships, struggles to trust people deals with emotional dysregulation or getting triggered easily. This is specifically [01:09:00] for you and I really highly recommend that you check it out. So it's on my website.
It's holisticevolutionshala. com and then slash daily calm workbook. Wonderful. Thank you ever so much. I really appreciate that. so much.
